The Dress

I’m all grown up. And, I think I have a pretty good handle on who I am. After all, I’ve spent years assessing and reassessing my actions … my directions … my choices. Along the way, I’ve thrown out the bad and kept the good. At least I’ve tried to. But, some things just seem to stick and I’m unable to shake that old feeling or experience. That’s when I realize that, despite my efforts, I’m still a slave to my past.

One event, in particular, still haunts me. It has shadows my life in many ways … most often in the still of the night. It invades my dreams and even sneaks into my days whenever I watch a parade or attend a celebratory event or even view a lovely prom dress in a store window. It’s still there; 20 years later … 40 years later. Hell, almost 50 years later I still think about “it.” Funny how one event can define one’s life. Quietly, secretly, it imbeds itself into the very core of one’s psyche and festers there like an unattended wound.

Years ago, I was elected Homecoming Queen of my school. As Dickens once said, “It was the best of times; it was the worst of times…

At seventeen “the event” became the central focus my life. It defined me. I didn’t know how to handle such a coveted award. Its announcement was met with immeasurable joy. As Sally Fields naively said in her Academy Award acceptance speech, “You like me … you really like me!”

Yet, I felt awkward. Uncertain. I was humbled, but, still imprisoned in those self-conscious teen years, I had no idea how to be humble. Graciousness was not part of my social repertoire. I was self-conscious. Hyper-vigilant. I assessed every action, every reaction. I even became paranoid. What were the girls saying behind my back? Did the boys like me better?

Then there was the dress … the pièce de résistance … a symbol of the most outstanding, notable time of my life; the dress that was to symbolize my short reign. I envisioned myself as a Cinderella walking into her ball.

And finally, the highly anticipated shopping excursion arrived.

My mother took me to a secondhand store. A thrift store. A place where only poor people shopped. I was devastated. This was my moment?

I riled against the chances of finding my gown in some seedy, back-alley shop. Where was my fairy Godmother? What would people think if they knew?

After much agony and rejection, we selected a gown. I took it home. It wasn’t wrapped in tissue with a gold sticker holding the crisp papers together, nor was it enclosed in a pretty colored bag with the shops name emblazoned on it. Rather, it was stuffed in a plastic bag. So unceremonious … so deflating … so sad.

I wanted to weep. But, I couldn’t. I wouldn’t. I would never let my mother, who was doing the best she could to feed, clothe and house four children, see my distress … my shame.

Years passed.

I get it now. I understand why I had to travel down that thrifty road. I get that I had to get over myself. I now understand the wisdom in shopping secondhand. Today I am the “Thrift Diva”. All that I own is secondhand. And, I am proud of it. I am satisfied with smart purchases. I am proud of recycling …everything. I even like the thrill of the hunt. I relish unpacking my thrift hauls. And, yes, my purchases are still unceremoniously wrapped and stuffed into plastic bags.

But thrift has changed from the days of back-alley establishments. Thrift and consignment proudly claim their right to be on Main Street. Towns are sprinkled with thrift super-stores, mom and pop enterprises, posh antique malls and elegant consignment boutiques.

And, me? Well, I still feel the sting of those long ago moments. But, I am a different person. I’m comfortable with me. As I wander through my beautifully decorated home, run a hand over my array of fun jewelry or slip into a designer jacket I’ve paid pennies for…well, I feel like that fabled Cinderella that I longed to be … so many years ago.

Make a Holiday Date with “The Diva!”

Make a Holiday Date with “The Diva!” Spiff up your home & wardrobe! Are you searching for that perfectly frugal Holiday outfit? Are you in a quandary over the ideal gift to give a friend? Would you just love to have a festive holiday home? Do you have boxes of Christmas ornaments, but don’t know how to put it all together? Do you want to spice up your wardrobe for the New Year? Are you wondering what to buy for that special man or woman in your life? If you answered yes to any of these questions … you need to ring in the Diva…just in time for the holidays. Barb Tobias is offering a fabulously frugal special for November and December … For just $150 you receive her undivided attention for 4 HOURS!  Thrift shop with her … Decorate with her … Get a holiday makeover … Or, turn your home into a vision of holiday delights. Buy a Gift Certificate or Schedule your 4 hour Date with the Diva! Contact: Jennifer Seeley, Publicist for Barb Tobias Call – 303-902-6086 JenniferSeeley@ThriftTalkDiva.com

Cinderella, Your Dress is Calling!

For some of us, our insatiable Diva curiosities find us scrambling to get a peek at the gowns worn by celebrities during the awards season.

So, check this out. You can rent one for a night or even own a designer gown that was worn by a star on the red carpet.

Although those gorgeous frocks are usually rented by the stars and are extremely expensive, the designers often auction them off after they have been returned.

So if you’ve spied a dress you simply must have, like Taylor Swift’s 2009 Grammy Gown, then keep checking auction sites such as  www.clothesoffourback.org, www.donatemydress.org or www.celebrity2nds.com.   You may just be able to own that gown . . . albeit at a high price.  The good news is that all of your costs go to charity.

But as a frugal Diva I must issue a word of caution.  The auction prices are hefty and you may watch your favorite gown propel beyond your reach for ever more.

However, if the starting bid price of that coveted Vera Wang gown, which you would almost kill for, is off the charts, don’t lose heart.  That dress can be yours for an evening in a price range more favorable to your pocketbook.  Visit sites such as One Night Affair, Light in the Box, and My Celebrity Dress to find your favorite gown, stun your friends with your Diva fashion sense, and smile radiantly because you can still afford groceries the week after the party.

What is Divawear?

What is Divawear?

Divawear is clothing that makes you feel wonderful, special.  It carries a certain flourish, a unique style. It is about combining styles and creating your own special image; a personal and unique signature.  Most people don’t think about the fact that they are, indeed, telegraphing to everyone they meet who they are and what they think of themselves.

And, Divawear is fun!  The great news for women is that we aren’t relegated to being monochromatic. We don’t have to dress in suits in varying shades black, grey or blue.  We are peacocks!  Celebrate it!  Live it!  Choose it!

I have been shopping with my girlfriends countless times.  Invariably they will pull something off a rack, hold it up, and with complete conviction say, “Barb, this is so you.”  What they are saying is that I have created my signature look, a style that represents me; my attitude and significance .

My Michigan Divafriends are glorious. . . they are very Diva, and have the zest for life that is magnetic.

The night before my wedding we decked ourselves out in our best Diva westernwear.  Needless to say, they even outshined the bride.

This group of gals are spirited, talented and have hung together through twenty years of marriage, divorce, business startups and business failures…all of which cemented our friendships and fortified our personal mettle.

And, Divawear doesn’t have to cost a fortune.  I was shopping at my favorite DAV store on a recent 99 cent day and ran across this fabulous 50’s coat.  I snatched that baby up in a hurry, and just in time for the holidays.  My husband took a picture of me before we went out.  Hmmm….so glam.

My personal dress message announces, “I am wonderful. Come hang with me. Get to know me.  I am fun. I am playful. I am successful. I am a Diva.