The Dress

I’m all grown up. And, I think I have a pretty good handle on who I am. After all, I’ve spent years assessing and reassessing my actions … my directions … my choices. Along the way, I’ve thrown out the bad and kept the good. At least I’ve tried to. But, some things just seem to stick and I’m unable to shake that old feeling or experience. That’s when I realize that, despite my efforts, I’m still a slave to my past.

One event, in particular, still haunts me. It has shadows my life in many ways … most often in the still of the night. It invades my dreams and even sneaks into my days whenever I watch a parade or attend a celebratory event or even view a lovely prom dress in a store window. It’s still there; 20 years later … 40 years later. Hell, almost 50 years later I still think about “it.” Funny how one event can define one’s life. Quietly, secretly, it imbeds itself into the very core of one’s psyche and festers there like an unattended wound.

Years ago, I was elected Homecoming Queen of my school. As Dickens once said, “It was the best of times; it was the worst of times…

At seventeen “the event” became the central focus my life. It defined me. I didn’t know how to handle such a coveted award. Its announcement was met with immeasurable joy. As Sally Fields naively said in her Academy Award acceptance speech, “You like me … you really like me!”

Yet, I felt awkward. Uncertain. I was humbled, but, still imprisoned in those self-conscious teen years, I had no idea how to be humble. Graciousness was not part of my social repertoire. I was self-conscious. Hyper-vigilant. I assessed every action, every reaction. I even became paranoid. What were the girls saying behind my back? Did the boys like me better?

Then there was the dress … the pièce de résistance … a symbol of the most outstanding, notable time of my life; the dress that was to symbolize my short reign. I envisioned myself as a Cinderella walking into her ball.

And finally, the highly anticipated shopping excursion arrived.

My mother took me to a secondhand store. A thrift store. A place where only poor people shopped. I was devastated. This was my moment?

I riled against the chances of finding my gown in some seedy, back-alley shop. Where was my fairy Godmother? What would people think if they knew?

After much agony and rejection, we selected a gown. I took it home. It wasn’t wrapped in tissue with a gold sticker holding the crisp papers together, nor was it enclosed in a pretty colored bag with the shops name emblazoned on it. Rather, it was stuffed in a plastic bag. So unceremonious … so deflating … so sad.

I wanted to weep. But, I couldn’t. I wouldn’t. I would never let my mother, who was doing the best she could to feed, clothe and house four children, see my distress … my shame.

Years passed.

I get it now. I understand why I had to travel down that thrifty road. I get that I had to get over myself. I now understand the wisdom in shopping secondhand. Today I am the “Thrift Diva”. All that I own is secondhand. And, I am proud of it. I am satisfied with smart purchases. I am proud of recycling …everything. I even like the thrill of the hunt. I relish unpacking my thrift hauls. And, yes, my purchases are still unceremoniously wrapped and stuffed into plastic bags.

But thrift has changed from the days of back-alley establishments. Thrift and consignment proudly claim their right to be on Main Street. Towns are sprinkled with thrift super-stores, mom and pop enterprises, posh antique malls and elegant consignment boutiques.

And, me? Well, I still feel the sting of those long ago moments. But, I am a different person. I’m comfortable with me. As I wander through my beautifully decorated home, run a hand over my array of fun jewelry or slip into a designer jacket I’ve paid pennies for…well, I feel like that fabled Cinderella that I longed to be … so many years ago.

Rid Your House of those Pesky Clutter Magnets … in Time for the Holidays!

With the holidays fast approaching unexpected drop-ins are sure to catch you unawares if your home isn’t tidy and presentable.  Certain areas of our homes just seem to attract clutter. In order to keep from being overwhelmed by these overflow areas, follow these tips to keep target areas tidy … and your sanity intact!   

Entries

When we arrive home we tend to drop our parcels and head for the bedroom to change into something comfy, or to the refrigerator to grab a snack.  Taking a few minutes to stow brief cases, purses, mail and wallets in attractive storage units, strategically placed at both the front and rear entries, will keep these areas “visitor’ ready.   

Closets

Yikes!  Some closets are dangerous due to the dreaded “clothes avalanche.” Consider rebuilding the closet interiors with the many organizers found at home remodeling centers.  Layered hanging areas and shelving help to minimize the need to shove clothing items into poorly designed spaces.

Nightstands

Select nightstands that have one to three drawers to conceal items that will certainly detract from your bedroom décor. Store prescriptions, remote controls, flashlights, books, eyeglasses and candles within nightstands rather than on top or on the floor.  The tops should be decorated with attractive lights, alarm clocks and the occasional vase with flowers.

Bedroom chairs or chaises

These wonderful reading centers are also convenient repositories for all those hastily tossed clothes.  Refrain from the urge to toss clothes simply for convenience sake.  You will be surprised how quickly a mount aim of clothes can accumulate. 

Drawers

Drawers are typically hidden disaster centers.  The old adage out of sight, out of mind aptly applies to these concealed caverns. There are a myriad of drawer organizers and dividers that help to keep socks and underwear organized.  To stay ahead of the game, divide drawers into categories; sweaters, sweats, under garments, pajamas, and scarves.    

Organize all the areas of your office so that your work environment is pleasant and you can be creative and productive. Categorize the office by:  

• Phone Station
• Cords
• Desk
• Drawers
• Storage stations

 

Kitchen

The kitchen is where the family gathers.  It is also a dumping spot for homework, art projects, backpacks, purses, shoes, toys and games.  Designate areas where the family must place their belongings like a bedroom, craft room or den.  Keep the kitchen for cooking and enjoying family meal time.   In addition organize the kitchen into these areas:

• Refrigerator
• Pantry
  • Stair-step stackers
  • Rotating rounds
  • Hooks
  • Shelving
  • Laundry center
  • Dishes
  • Pots and Pans

Bathroom

This area will store a myriad of family items.  Buy or build storage units that will effectively store linens, cosmetics, soaps, bath toys and medicines.

The Laundry center should be arranged so as to have room for detergents,  supplies, a folding area, hanging and storing area, ironing board and the laundry tub.

Recycle Center

We that recycle need to be commended on their part in helping to keep our planet environmentally clean.  However, erecting a storage center that separates bottles, cans, plastic and paper is a necessary step in keeping this strategic area organized.  In addition, when trash day comes, it takes no time at all to place the sorted items in their proper containers.  

The garage, basements and attics are probably the biggest clutter magnets.  Each area should be organized according to tools, mementos, gardening equipment, and car care.

Motivation, Leadership and Inspiration

I have sought inspiration in varying level at various times and have found that there is a rich tapestry of the inspired and those that inspire. They come in many different forms; a song we hear in the background, a headline or even a book title. Maybe the Universe is trying to give us a nudge or some divine spirit is vying for our attention.  Regardless of the venue or purpose of these seeming innocuous whisperings, we know at a core level that we have connected with resonances of a higher power.

The following sites not only inspire but allow women to connect with other women from all walks of life. Businesses can be promoted, information shared, and a blog or forum started. Here are some of my personal favs.
 

• Brave Heart Women – For women who chose to be Inspiration in Action
  www.BraveHeartWomen.com
• Women, health, family, love, beauty and entertainment
  www.WomenOnlyBlogs.com
• Read a blog or start your own blogs on women’s issues
  http://en.wordpress.com/tag/womens-issues/
• Celebrating women…50 and better
  http://feistysideoffifty.com/
• A Women’s community of strength support and creativity
  www.DivaTribe.com
• Empowerment, Inspiration, Connection, Success!
  www. newerawomen.ning.com/

What if…

I’ve often wondered what our world would be like if we were all blind.  Today advertising has us believing that all women should be skinny, young and dressed to the nines.  And, men should be savvy business execs attired in beautifully tailored suits, wearing rather than carrying a six-pack and flaunting cashmere sweaters and ripped jeans?  (Boy, where was I with the brain juice and my budding entrepreneurial spirit during the ripped jean fad?)  

If we were all blind, fashion as we know it would die.  Women in Iraq wouldn’t have to cover themselves. Clothes would have to be strictly clean and functional to keep us warm, or cool. Length of hemlines would be immaterial and jewelry would be a thing of the past.

Imagine this; Miss America could be a smart, talented dog-faced winner…and, maybe we would even have a Mr. America that could be judged on his ability to answer politically skewed questions. Building bodies to competitive, muscle bound status would be efforts in futility, but the ability to build a house would reign supreme.  

Couples would begin to judge each other on what kind of a person they were; whether they were touchy, intimate, aloof, funny, insightful, or interesting. Hmmm, imagine that…novel idea.   

Products would be judged solely on their benefits and functionality rather than style or color.  Consider for a moment what possible benefits stiletto heels, buttons and clips in the back of blouses and necklaces, thong underwear and tops that snap under the crotch offer their wearers. 

If we were all blind I would bet that we would start to see a more humane society emerge; one that rests on the merits of each human being rather than the visual aspects of what makes people and specifically women worthy.

Susan’s Story

This is a story about a family torn apart by greed, lies and deceit; where a daughter and her father were used as pawns in a wicked game of family chess.

This account is not about a physical death, but a death of the spirit; a purposeful and willing destruction of the psyche by a family member. This is also an account of a father’s undying grief at the illusory loss of his only son.

For years the lucrative little mom-and-pop family business thrived in an affluent Mid-western town. When the mother passed on the father turned the business over to his only son. His sister, my friend, was asked to keep the books, which she handled willingly.

Over time she began to wonder why the busy little establishment was consistently losing money, and then found that a substantial loan had been taken out against it.  She confronted her brother and was duly met with indignant anger. Nonplussed, she took her suspicions to her father who angrily accused her of causing trouble within the family.  

Troubled but resolved, Susan soldiered on until the day she found that she was no longer in her father’s will.  The ring of lies and deceit began to grow wider until even her father began to question the son, the sole executor of his estate. The son, an attorney, moved to have his father declared incompetent, and sued his sister for complicity in wrongful business dealings.  

As their bank accounts dwindled and motion upon motion was filed by the son, my friend and her father fought relentlessly within the courts for justice.

Although all suits were finally dismissed, Susan is still working to pay off their legal expenses, and she is in dire need of the, much acclaimed, healing properties of chocolate.

The Warrior in the Woman

Set in a backwater southern town a diverse group of women, all dreaming different dreams were tested time and again. Their inner strengths and support of one another made the tough times tolerable and the good times memorable.  Their rocky lives were sustained by friendship, inner strength and the love and support they gave to on another.  Age barriers, despite age, carved out lives that were memorable, the value of friendship and intolerant of wrong.  These women weren’t notorious or in the limelight, but they were warriors living their lives in a and…